49: Anton LaVey

It is only right for the penultimate pitiful one to be the father of modern Satanism.

My problem with Mr. Anton Levey is probably not what you suspect. So what, the guy invented a religion celebrating the inverse of the god and the things that most normal people worship. No biggie. Good on him if it gets him anywhere. The problem is, of course, that these spurious made-up religions never actually lead to anything new.

Ironically, the Church of Satan has a list of nine Satanic Sins. On that list are notions like: Stupidity, Pretentiousness, Self-deceit, Lack of Perspective and Counterproductive Pride. Anton LaVey, most assuredly my friends, is guilty in no small amount of every single one of these.

Not unlike televangelists or Charles Manson, Anton LaVey's whole success in life was built on the foundation of Anton LaVey's cult of personality.

Translation: he's a huckster.

His religion gets you nowhere. You wanna join the dark side, be a Darth Vader? Fine. Darth Vader could actually strangle people with his thoughts. That's power.

What power does the Church of Satan have?

None. They die, just like all the rest of us. They have no power over this Earth, no freedom from the general sweat and toil of existence.

Add to that, Anton LaVey wasn't very good at life. He was a domestic abuser, a drug abuser, and he screwed up every one of his children. By what measure, any measure, could that be considered success?

If you want to thumb your nose at God, or you want to rattle people's cages, fine! But don't act like you're actually accomplishing anything of significance. Why add lying to your bevy of impurities?

REMEMBER, REMEMBER: rebellion, no matter how noble, is always reactionary, and therefore, has no creative power. Rebellion can only ever be destructive, and no matter what anyone else tells you, destruction is the antithesis of creation.

I shouldn't have to tell you this.